Possessions

It appears to me that most people have some kind of tangible evidence of their existence prior, I guess I didn't get the memo or just plain forgot about it either way there isn't much that marks my existence upon this world. This is prolly due to my interest in living from one moment to the next, but right now my mind is so lost in trains of thoughts that are never really destined for existence I just can't figure out where to go

Are you having a black out moment stoney roo

Look how much time has passed since I last posted upon this blog. But that is the past and not nearly as interesting as the current moment. When you put yourself fully into every action you lose all sense of time because its no longer important. Thats what I want to be able to do, be fully present in each and every action I make. I just realized i was writing in a blog and became disgusted with the idea of it so I will leave to partake in my current endeavors.

Russia?

Someone viewed my blog from Russia, I believe that makes foreign countries the leader in views however this is of about 10 so we can call it a close race to keep America pleased. Besides that this blog is pretty lackluster but I have a picture to share of what I'm currently working on in ceramics. Its about 24 inches tall right now and will hopefully if all goes well end up being around 42 inches finished, also it looks kinked on the right but without the paper towel their its actually a much smother transition.

Houses have personalities

They do if you don't believe me well then try talking to one for a while and you will see and feel it's personality although I don't suggest development houses they are rather rude and uninteresting.
I realized that I understand words but I find their purpose amusing.

Sick

Being sick isn't the worst thing that could have happened however it is a bit of a pain, literally I'm sore, exhausted and increasingly clumsy something I'm not used to. Pretty much I feel like a zombie. In addition to all this it is really hard to think, at least anything sensical so work for school has become incredibly difficult especially papers which I'm afraid have no logical pattern or progression. 

This all will be over soon I hope then things can go back to "normal".

Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead

One Week

So, I just realized it has been exactly a week since my last post, yes that is completely irrelevant but its also true. Anyhow the only relevant thing that has happened is going to see TV on the Radio which was amazing enough said. The weekend following that was different states of delirium. Now everything has just gone back to a state of grey; it is all so bland and most of it is completely irrelevant some things are relevant but don't have meaning enough for emotions. The few relevant things that elicit emotions either are relieving of emotions tied to reality or are moving in no direction at all and are just annoying and painful. Blah Blah Blah.

The View

So, not much has really been accomplished, that is anything that needed to be accomplished. I however whilst avoiding what needed to be done learned to make two different soups, a black bean soup and a potato leek soup. Both are incredibly easy and vegan which is nice, eating animals or their byproducts makes me unhappy I try not to do it and usually I don't, there really doesn't seem to be a reason to. Also I now have 6 bottles of kombucha in their second fermentation so in a day or so they will be done some have ginger added some don't as well as 3 being from green tea and 3 from white tea.
Tomorrow I think I'll try to address whats sitting in my subconscious, it's starting to get out through my emotions and the energy that is constantly being released which isn't how it should be.

O.N.E - Yeasayer

Its a really good song and it was what began this post so I thought I would give it credit. I'm not really sure where to go with this there are so many directions to go in. I got my drivers license, check; nothing different in my life there I can go places now which doesn't make that big of a change. Well other than that there really isn't much different actually it seems like there is less and less going on, I'm completing work quickly getting everything out of the way and finding I have nothing to spend my time on. It is strange to have so little to do and yet still have things to address but ones that wont be because of their nature. Its pointless to fret over those types of things because when they want to figure themselves out they will but often that is just something you tell yourself in order to try and move on when the reality is much different. Things are always very complicated even the seemingly simplistic things can become a mess quickly, right now I don't feel I have any messes in my life its just that there are nearby that affect me; it's strange things are moving in such odd ways right now.

From blue to grey

This weekend was productive more so than any other weekend within this year or even possibly two. So much has passed, work completed, exercise, hair cut, concert tickets acquired, kombucha started, argument and driving practice. I feel nervous because the work I completed is not fresh in my head and I fear I've forgotten something. I'm just a mess looking for ways to feel stable, that little droplet of water that is a perfect dome on the countertop just waiting for something to ruin its fragile balance. I hope I'm not that fragile lots could happen and I could get by but it wouldn't be fun by any means. Lets just not have that happen shall we, sounds good.

Tumble

Just a poem I wrote throughout the school day to ease the day on. I think I might continue this one but not sure in what direction to go right now.

Tumble

Drifting down through a starry night,

The earth greats me with a place to sit;

In a single ray of light,

I think this might just be it

.

Begin

The spring trimester has officially commenced and in its wake, well for some I imagine there is a wake of sorts but only a small ripple has appeared. A good welcomed ripple from before but one with an uncertain lifespan; one that could just be my eyes playing with the light again, I hope its not one of those ripples. There is so little to do right now even ceramics isn't much to fall back on without high fire clay to work with, but there is time to think and get my head together and read a good book. Speaking of books, I'm really excited to begin Lit. and Social Change tomorrow and hopefully there will be a reading to do, anything to take up a bit of time and make me feel like I'm doing something meaningful.
Maybe I'll write a poem tonight we shall see something is going to happen but the medium it will be in is undecided.

We won’t know the actual

It's exciting to hear about upcoming albums from bands that I previously enjoyed and hope to enjoy even more. It will be a bit hard to break my interest of The Age of Adz but who knows might be time to add in some new sounds.

TV On The Radio - Will Do by TheTop22

In a Station of the Metro- Ezra Pound

By far one of my favorite poems that I've read as of this moment in time.

In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd ;

Petals on a wet, black bough.

Possibly Maybe

Salt Firing
Today was spent making a nice hot fire, into the 2200f+ range. Everything seemed to go well besides the burns and splinters which accompany such an activity. It felt good to get enveloped in something so simplistic as making something hotter, in reality there are so many things to keep track of and yet with the right interest it wasn't hard at all. Besides the gratitude of reaching higher and higher temperatures there was always the joy of just sitting and watching the flames dance; at points there were patches of chemical flames which burned florescent purple and at one point a turquoise color. It was a lot of fun and its really exciting knowing that I have work that will come out of it, it's just cool to follow something through the entire process and to be active in the process.

It's the end of break and I'm happy that its coming to a close and that I feel good about where I am at currently so I believe that this trimester will be a good one. One to be enjoyed on different levels but mostly just something to keep the time passing because I'm pretty sure the school aspect will be cake again. The life bit will be more interesting.

Onward to life and stuff.

No Clue

Had some interesting dreams that were sepia colored.
Saw different people in different contexts. That was okay, sometimes good.
Enjoyed the warm sunny days outside.
Pretended to be an airplane while riding a bike down a hill.


Times are shifting again; going somewhere new.
Oh how long its been since I last flew.

Day Out

Today was strange it didn't feel quite right but it was good to get out and do something granted it was with my mom. Ate food, drove all over, got two new hoodie things ones really neat and the other is really simple and has stripes which are always good. It was nice I think, the day went quickly anyhow.
On another note the mail fairy brought a new turntable and it is really amazing and hooks up to the sound system in my living room and makes everything sound beautiful. Vinyl records are so amazing, and so much better than CDs.
Im feeling better. Haven't had time today to write but maybe tonight or a drawing, something artsy will occur.

Lump Sum-Bon Iver

A heavy stone

Sold my red horse for a venture home

To vanish on the bow --

Settling slow



Fit it all, fit it in the doldrums

(Or so the story goes)

Color the era

Film it's historical



My mile could not

Pump the plumb

In my arbor 'till my ardor

Trumped every inner inertia 

Lump sum 



All at once

Rushing from the sub-pump

(Or so the story goes)

Balance we won't know

We will see when it gets warm

Deterioration

Today was not a good day.

The Distortions

By A Friend

The distortions running rampant

Inside my troubled head

try to stop the noise inside,

try to remember what he said.

was it an "I love you" I heard?

or an "I hate you" did he say?

confused inside and can't remember,

colors turn to grey.

I feel upset and exhausted too.

and ache inside all over.

try to escape the pain I feel

not drunk but the need to be sober.

slowly yes slowly i begin to heal

a work in progress indeed.

as I get a glimpse of hope 

time is all I need.

I Can't Breathe

My head is starting to slip,

The gears are starting to go,

Moving with a slow methodic tick.

The chains loosen and my mind is set free.

Free… but completely and utterly lost.

Tree Tipping

I forgot how easy it is to not be able to sleep. How little it takes to keep me from being able to put my mind to rest. I guess its okay it wont be a big deal, it's spring break and there really is no reason to maintain a sleep schedule but it would be nice to have the comfort of consistent non-induced sleep. Induced sleep is okay it works lasts a bit too long and shortens the amount of time I'm fully aware of everything, I guess it isn't all that bad but its not like actual sleep with dreams and peace of mind when I awake.

Anxiety seems to be the root of the majority of the issues in my life, although I wouldn't want a drug to stop the anxiety because it is who I am. I don't want to take away a defining piece of myself granted it causes problems but it also shapes me shapes my thinking and makes me deal and release things I otherwise may leave un-adressed. The funny thing about anxiety at least for me is that it's clear when its occurring and to what degree and why; this also makes it easy to understand what I need to do to reduce it but as always that easier said than done. I know what I need to be thinking and how to correct my thoughts but those thoughts need to be truly believed and at times thats a hard thing to do, to believe in something. Thinking and writing because fragmented when my head is swirling around like it is now, everything is second to thought and finding peace of mind, or at least a place where the swirling makes sense.

Meditation is good and it reveals a lot but even when I get through all thats at unrest in my head I still don't feel whole, I've found my souls I know them well and I understand them but being is almost always difficult especially around people although not always. It's nice to know that even if i don't feel like myself I know I still exist and eventually I'll find a way to be.

I never realized how dark my room can become with the shades drawn there is one thin faint bar of light coming from a window and an electronic glow from somewhere but other than that its black pitch black. It's nice and reduces the amount of stimuli being input which makes sorting things out easier as well as being.

Into the Dark

Notebook

I found an old journal/notebook thing from around this time last year. Needless to say it was interesting to go back and remember everything from that part of the year which was an interesting one. It's strange to see how my thinking has grown and how many statements remain true. Anyway there were a few poems in there I thought I'd share.

The Labyrinth

What a beautiful think it is,

for it frees us from our pain.

A pain that always remains.

Each day we gain yet refrain,

from finding out who we are.

We live a lie until we die

Unless we find our way out,

Out of this Labyrinth of Suffering.

Music Tea and a Good Book

I've spent too many days alone in my room this break. I need to get out and go somewhere without friends or family just me away from everyone for a day or so. Even cooped up in my room all day I still am never quite alone, people are constantly interrupting what little peace I've built up. Break is supposed to be enjoyable, but it isn't it never really is all that enjoyable because I don't get to do what I want to do only what fits into other peoples plans. Whatever here is a poem.

Hold Me Down

The weight of the world falling down upon me,

Restraining my body, my mind, my soul.

There is nothing to escape from but myself.

Time passes while reality shifts in an out.

The light turns off and the images begin.

Unidentifiable images racing by,

Like all the people in my life, moving too fast.

Too fast to catch up to; They're always a step ahead.

Now alone in this room I see them again,

Moving to a place I can’t see.

A place that promises a sense of being,

But I am here and now and I will be.

Kombucha

Started the process of making kombucha should be brewed in about eight days if everything goes according to plan however it seems unlikely that the first attempt should be a success but we shall see. It was nice to have something occupying time rather than just sitting in my room all day. Also got two new vinyl albums in the mail today, Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever ago and Beirut - Lon Gisland. 


Here is a new poem, couldn't get the second stanza to sound right but I think it is okay without it.

Redundancy

How many times will you use that word.

Now a meaningless space consuming sound.

Echoing endlessly without a purpose.

How long can you go on like this.

Speaking words without thought or feeling.

These words you speak mean nothing to me,

They’ve become foreign sounds in a native tongue.

Uhh Grade Reports

"Wyatt continues to impress me in Honors Biology. Though I am sure it is a bit like a duck on the water (gliding with ease while the feet kick like crazy), Wyatt seems to be on cruise control in this class and does very well on all of the assignments. "

-Jon

Need I say more? I don't feel I'm analogous to a duck and a car's cruise control in the same sentence although I am known to be wrong most of the time. Also I think it is outrageous to even suggest that I received my highest test or quiz grade on the final exam, regardless of the fact that I had long checked out before the exam. Absurd.

Not a new poem but an okay one from poetry class that I wrote...

my love is like a newborn child

my love is like a newborn child;

it cries out to be held.

it fears what it does not know,

yet will forever love the one,

who brought it into this world.

as time passes it grows.

it begins to crawl then walk,

run, jump, talk and cry

whilst time begins to age it.

until the day it’s set aside

into the basket of rejects

and it is there that it will reside.

until the day the light turns on.

someone has come to find

the soul they heard cry out that fateful day.

a memory captured in her very soul.

this love begins anew.

time has helped it grow

and today it flourishes

in a new light and;

a new love, one shared and true.

Meep

Murmur

A souls light flickers out.

It cares no longer,

For the whisper of another.

Its existence long forgotten.

It’s world built up from lost pieces.

Memories of a different time.

The time before the explosions began;

A time of peaceful coexistence of beings.

Now the sky holds no hope of light;

It’s being distraught and lifeless.

The land broken, it’s people drained;

Just a place waiting for its end.

Bleh

Forever changed,

A dark cloud, looms within the sky,

Blocking what little light once shone.

Its presence alone shakes ones soul;

Disrupting what little peace once stood.

Sanity takes turns towards its cold ideals...

Putrid lies are whispered from within...

Realities grip is loosened letting Madness in...

Marauding across memories, tainting everything...

Poem

Today

Everything is so calm.

Just the beat of another’s heart;

Keeping time to its own tune.

The wind breaks the trance;

Sending chills through our bones

Reminding us we are alive.

This world flutters.

With no direction,

To every point at once.

Then together.

To another’s waiting arms.

Restless souls dance;

Carelessly tangling strands of being.

A new star born into the sky;

If but for a day,

An hour,

Or a moment,

The feelings and memories will last.

Upon he precipice of,

Something new,

Leaving,

Vibrant Happiness.

With an undertone of uncertainty?

Poems

Internalized you sleep

Blankets of darkness

Envelope this land.

It’s your world,

It’s mine.

Where sightless beings,

rustle in the brambles.

Always awaiting the day,

when the sun returns.

The darkness is not your home.

Only a place of being.

The light will turn on,

Slowly,

            Warming,

                             All that is cold,

                                                       And revealing the colors of our world.

A world we share,

With those who care.

The day has come,

It gives birth to light.

Dazed

All the sights and sounds of the earth,

Gone with a swift wind, in its place

A new world. These solitary moments

With a soul, charm only a fool

Even you’re an outcast within.

Today, locked within a tomb

You watch a foreign film with no text

Its secrets crumpled notes covered by snow

Lost to the embezzler of your soul

You too will see no more than this

An island lost under lavender stationary.

With the setting sun time elongates

Yet your time here is up, please leave

This park is closed for the day.

Within the deserted fields of my soul.

Strands of secrets are loosed.

Blindly swirling within an unseen vortex.

The world floods from emotions,

Oozing in from every uneven seem

At its center the explosions begin.

Meander

You cool darkness pervades my thoughts,

When the light is gone to a far away land.

A place where its colours are accepted