Tree Tipping

I forgot how easy it is to not be able to sleep. How little it takes to keep me from being able to put my mind to rest. I guess its okay it wont be a big deal, it's spring break and there really is no reason to maintain a sleep schedule but it would be nice to have the comfort of consistent non-induced sleep. Induced sleep is okay it works lasts a bit too long and shortens the amount of time I'm fully aware of everything, I guess it isn't all that bad but its not like actual sleep with dreams and peace of mind when I awake.

Anxiety seems to be the root of the majority of the issues in my life, although I wouldn't want a drug to stop the anxiety because it is who I am. I don't want to take away a defining piece of myself granted it causes problems but it also shapes me shapes my thinking and makes me deal and release things I otherwise may leave un-adressed. The funny thing about anxiety at least for me is that it's clear when its occurring and to what degree and why; this also makes it easy to understand what I need to do to reduce it but as always that easier said than done. I know what I need to be thinking and how to correct my thoughts but those thoughts need to be truly believed and at times thats a hard thing to do, to believe in something. Thinking and writing because fragmented when my head is swirling around like it is now, everything is second to thought and finding peace of mind, or at least a place where the swirling makes sense.

Meditation is good and it reveals a lot but even when I get through all thats at unrest in my head I still don't feel whole, I've found my souls I know them well and I understand them but being is almost always difficult especially around people although not always. It's nice to know that even if i don't feel like myself I know I still exist and eventually I'll find a way to be.

I never realized how dark my room can become with the shades drawn there is one thin faint bar of light coming from a window and an electronic glow from somewhere but other than that its black pitch black. It's nice and reduces the amount of stimuli being input which makes sorting things out easier as well as being.

Into the Dark